Have you ever had a self-destructive streak and wondered where it came from?
For most of my life I found myself picking up habits that were clearly not good for me, taking risks and developing an adventurous side that would be considered insane to some. I’ve been chased by people with guns, jumped out of a plane, been pursued by a bear and stayed to watch a hurricane, when it would have clearly made more sense to move away from it. All of these situations would have been easily avoidable had I added just a small slice of good sense to the mix. Good sense was never my strongest attribute.
From the NHS to the Weird and Wacky.
Since leaving the logical, medically-driven health service, where I spent over 13 years working as a nurse, in 3 different continents, I have come across many interesting things. Having witnessed so much pain, suffering and death I was inspired to find ways of helping people to relax, heal themselves and feel better. I was utterly frustrated at having to watch people break down as they were delivered death sentences by doctors. Breaking the news of a death of a loved one to families was one of the toughest aspects of the job.
There had to be another way and I started searching.
The world of alternative therapies has been an intriguing and complex world as I have ventured further and further down the rabbit hole. Learning Hypnosis, Time-Line Therapy and Neuro-Linguistic Programming back in 2003 opened up a doorway that has taken me on a journey that I would have thought was only available within the realms of science-fiction before.
Before I qualified as a Master Practitioner of all 3 disciplines it was necessary to demonstrate my ability to perform a breakthrough session and to receive one. About 8 hours of intensive, continuous and probing therapy led to a regressive technique (Time-Line Therapy) that literally took us back in time to re-experience events where strong emotions were stored, learn the lessons and release the emotions. This was intriguing to say the least.
Discovering how one, seemingly insignificant, comment or action by our parents when we were young could cause a lifetime of suffering was mind-blowing for me.
Because of this I had a breakthrough that led me to leave my job, leave my home and leave my life in pursuit of my dreams. I cannot describe the feelings of fear and liberation as I quit the job that I no longer loved and left my drug-fuelled life to pursue my passion for writing. I spent a few months in Sheffield before moving to Asia to travel and write with my friend, who had a laptop with him for me to use.
Practice Makes Perfect.
Although I started my alternative journey to help others – it was all about me finding my own answers initially. I had identified a pattern based on an experience that I’d had when I was 2 that allowed me to let go of my insecurity and fear about leaving my job. I then started working with friends of friends, who were sent my way.
Interestingly enough, over the next 5 years I only worked with a few people. All of them demonstrated the same self-destructive tendencies that I had displayed. It has since become my realisation that any therapist will only attract clients to help them through their own issues. I foolishly believed that because I’d had a breakthrough and made all sorts of exciting changes to my life, including moving to Asia to start a new life, that I had cleared my stuff.
I was in for a shock.
The next 5 people that I worked with all had issues stemming back to when their mum was pregnant with them. In every incident it had become clear that talk about an abortion had led them to feel that they were not wanted by their parents. Working in the world of energy I have come to learn that babies take on all energy when they are in the womb and the evidence kept accumulating. I would never have believed this without the increasing weight of evidence that was being presented to me. People sometimes went through their whole lives demonstrating self-destructive tendencies because they are carrying the energy of rejection from their parents.
I helped person after person release the energy and patterns that they had developed surrounding this issue, harmonising their family relationships and helping them to release patterns and habits that no longer served them.
However, I did not see the bigger picture.
Meanwhile, I was still demonstrating habits of self-abuse and recklessness, moving from one addiction to another and having all of the patterns that I thought I’d left behind in England manifest in Asia. Soon I developed short, stabbing angina pains in my chest. Although they only lasted for about a second, my time as a Cardiac Nurse indicated that if I didn’t change quickly I was facing an imminent heart attack. I realised that, for me, I had to return to England and face my family issues head on.
I moved in with my mum and soon fell into a personal relationship that was not right for me.
Meanwhile, I became a Reiki Master and had some significant breakthroughs. Still, I knew that there was something missing – I just didn’t know what. An emptiness came over me and I continued with my daily life just hoping that it would go away and that one day I would learn to be happy in my relationship.
Then, after 9 months the angina pains returned. I knew that if I did not take action swiftly that I was heading towards a heart attack and early death. The next day I broke things off with my girlfriend and watched my life, as I knew it, evaporate. My now ex-girlfriend pulled the plug on my business venture and cost me everything I owned within 2 hours of me breaking up with her. The news of our split on Facebook just poured salt on the wound as a trail of messages came my way.
I shut myself in my bedroom, feeling nothing but empty and numb.
I can honestly say that from this place if someone had held a gun to my head I would have dared them to shoot. I felt lifeless. For 3 days I just sat and meditated in my room, wondering what the point of life was and whether I would ever have the energy to face it again.
During my meditations I kept receiving the same message : abortion.
Eventually, I went down stairs and spoke with my mum, asking her whether she had considered aborting me. She nearly fell off her chair. Shocked and silenced, she eventually enquired; What made you ask that? I told her that it kept coming up in my meditation and that I didn’t know why.
8 hours from death.
When my mum finally composed herself she told me that I had been booked in for an abortion on Saturday morning but she had changed her mind on the Friday night. My dad had told her that he would back any decision that she made. I was hit by a wave of relief as the life returned to my body. We were able to have one of the most valuable and healing talks ever.
Gratitude for life.
I told my mum that I was grateful that she had changed her mind and we experienced one of the most powerful moments in our frequently turbulent relationship. I also talked with my dad separately, telling them both that I understood why they had considered it (my mum was only 19 when she was pregnant with me and there were numerous factors that made having a baby extremely challenging for them.)
I was grateful to be alive.
It was a huge decision and one which I’m not sure I would have made when I was 19. Sometimes people can go their whole life feeling empty and lost, without ever knowing why. I am lucky to have walked a path that has taken me on one of the most frightening, adventurous and rewarding journeys over 6 continents, meeting several friends, mixing with several cultures and appreciating the richness of life.
Life’s roller coaster.
Today I have great relationships with both of my parents and my ex-girlfriend. Had everyone not acted in exactly the way that they did, I may never have been put in the position where I was low enough to face my demons fearlessly.
In life the enjoyment of the high points is always relative to how low you have been. Only through embracing both aspects of the journey can we feel truly alive. Having the courage to work through the low points is one of the biggest challenges that you will ever face.
Be brave, be bold and get help if you find yourself stuck in the emptiness. That would be my advice to anyone resonating with this, from someone who has been there – on more than one occasion.
What is Zen for Your Heart and What Really Pisses You Off?
This may be a tough one to take but we all have bad moments, myself included.
Having a healthy heart is not about perfection or being nice all the time. Sometimes it’s good to get passionate. Whether that passion comes through in love or intense frustration, it doesn’t matter. Whether one is better than the other is a judgment that is not necessarily true or productive.
The Healthy Heart Academy is all about balance.
Being spiritual or living a spiritual life does not mean being happy all the time, staying positive or holding back how you really feel. We all have bad days – The only question is:
Life will frequently throw you some testing times, events or situations. When you become angry, bitter hurt or resentful for an extended period of time then this will affect your heart adversely. This is for certain.
Such unresolved feelings will not help your heart. It doesn’t matter whether you are a world class athlete, with a world class diet and no bad habits at all. If you are holding angry, bitter feelings over time then your heart will be at risk.
Allowing Your Heart to Forgive is Easier Said Than Done.
I would never wish to underplay this complicated area of health and wellbeing. If someone has done something terrible to you then finding a resolution that feels better may not be as easy to do as just thinking loving thoughts.
In this video I explain how some people are just naturally better at forgiving than others…
If you liked your heart is forgiving then please share it….
Do you have harmonious relationships with all of your close family members and are you aware how this can affect your heart and energy on a daily basis?
People who I looked after that had close family relationships, laughing and joking with their loved ones in hospital would often be full of life and vitality just minutes before they went to bed for the last time, smiling and passing away in their sleep. This was incredible to witness and always gave me hope that death could be a potentially pleasant experience. After all, we all get to die one day – it is only a question of how.
One of the biggest issues that came up repeatedly during my time as a nurse that affected heart health and energy was unresolved family relationships.
I found that much suffering occurred, especially with patients with cancer and heart disease. It is not that issues with family relationships were exclusive to these two areas, just that these are the two illnesses that I had the most experience in dealing with.
I would ask those who suffered the most at the end of their life what their family relationships were like. Without exception, there was always at least one unresolved connection. Conversely, those who experienced virtually no suffering at the end of their lives reported harmonious relationships with all of their family.
Is this a coincidence?
I think not. If you know anyone who is holding a grudge towards a close family member then you can be certain that it is taking a toll on their heart, health, energy and wellbeing. Whilst they may feel that there is nothing that can be done and just soldier on with life, brushing it under the carpet, just one day on an acute medical ward speaking to those who suffer the most about their family relationships would give you conclusive evidence that this was not a good idea.
For anyone holding a grudge towards a family member I would suggest getting professional help to get through it. Otherwise, if you live long enough to die naturally, there will almost certainly be a price to pay.
But you don’t understand Adam…….
I realise that this is no light issue. For those who have suffered violence and/or abuse during their upbringing it is less than easy to let go and forgive family who seemingly position themselves as impossible to love. Reaching resolution in such cases almost always requires professional help. It is not my aim to underplay what has happened in the past.
The purpose of this post is to highlight what may well await those in the future who are currently feeling anger, resentment and/or stuck in the past. What is often hard to accept, until you have seen it for yourself hundreds of times, is that all such feelings affect you more than anyone else and act as poison to your heart, unless resolved.
In the exercise in this video I will take you through a process that can help.
Depending on the depth of the issue this may or may not help. I have found that resolving testing family relationships is not always a quick and easy process. Sometimes it takes time. In this instance it is my aim to plant a seed that will allow you to open yourself to the possibility that one day you may reach a more harmonious resolution that increases the wellness of your heart, your energy and every other relationship in your life.
If you are not ready to resolve your family relationship challenges right now, then I cannot recommend enough the importance of getting professional help for this, or it is likely to slowly drain your life-force away, taking a huge toll on your heart and massively increasing your risk of a heart attack.
The exercise in the following video may not instantly resolve all of your family relationship issues but it will lay a foundation for the path that could lead you to a healthier heart and a more harmonious future in relating to your family.
This is part 6 of The Healthy Heart Academy free e-course. For the other parts leave your name and e-mail in the box on the top, right-hand side of this page.
If you liked or have any comments about this video on family relationships – how they affect your heart and energy then help me share this message and click the link below….
Zen and the Art of Heart Maintenance: When was your last heart MOT?
A car is a machine, powered by an engine. It needs regular maintenance for optimum performance. Your heart is your engine. What are you doing to make sure that it’s working properly?
In the UK 1 person dies every 6 minutes of heart disease. Worldwide, 1 person dies at least every 4.5 seconds. Heart disease is the biggest killer on the planet. This is because, unlike car MOTs; heart MOTs are not yet mandatory.
What is a heart MOT?
A test of your heart’s happiness in certain key areas: Your relationships with your friends, your family and yourself. You can do this yourself or may find it easier with someone helping you.
How can I do that?
Through taking time to realise what makes your heart happy, understanding what doesn’t and changing it so that it does. A regular heart MOT is essential for your heart maintenance and can improve your health, your relationships and your life. It can help to free up thoughts that don’t make you feel good and replace them with ones that do.
It’s not just what you think….
Thinking is a sensation of your brain. Feeling is a sensation from your heart.
Your heart has a separate intelligence from your brain. It beats independently of your brain, it sends more signals to your brain than your brain sends back and it is your engine. When you think about your feelings it is easy to get caught in over-analysis.
Negative emotions do not exist.
There is a perception amongst many that you experience both positive and negative emotions. This is a lie. Every emotion that you experience is a moment-to-moment guidance system of how you feel during any given interaction. Having the ability to feel emotions like sadness, anger and hurt is part of Being Human.
If you like a certain moment, enjoy it and repeat it. Just remembering a moment that made you feel good can make you feel good again. Doing this is very good for your heart
An exercise to help add some zen to your heart.
Start by asking what you would like to attract more of in your life right now? Whether you are looking for more love, happiness, freedom, wealth or fun, maybe it’s something completely different, that’s ok. It’s all right to create an image of you having it in the future if you can’t think of a strong enough memory. Whatever would make you feel better quickly; think about it now.
As you think about that memory, recreate the feeling.Stop and do this now.
Thinking of things that make you feel better more often is the fast-track to a healthy heart MOT. The longer that you focus on what you want, the more likely you are of getting it.
Having a healthy heart is about being able to navigate a way to feeling better from even the most challenging of places. The more you practice, the better you get.
Wishing you well on your heart MOT,
P.s Knowing exactly what you want and why you want it is the first step to getting it.
You can get a free healthy heart MOT e-course by leaving your name and e-mail on this page.
The art of a heart to heart can help you to know your heart’s message.
The art of a heart to heart is connecting to something that allows you to access the wisdom of your heart and what message it wants you to know vs what your head is telling you. To do this just sit comfortably, lose any idea of what to expect and take a few minutes out of your day to watch the video below, accompanied by the soothing sounds of Mozart’s Piano Concerto no. 21……
If you liked the art of a heart to heart – know your heart’s message video, please click the Facebook “Like” button below and/or leave your comments……..
Did you know that if you don’t learn how to love your heart it can lead to heart disease and a heart attack?
According to the World Health Organisation heart disease kills over 7 million people EVERY year worldwide. This makes it the biggest killer in the world. That is one person dead every 4.5 seconds. There is currently a huge gap in our current understanding of this disease and what causes it. The Healthy Heart Academy brings you over 18 years of experience talking at length to hundreds of people who have had heart attacks and finding out commonalities in their lifestyles and emotional status.
The fact is that anyone who has had a heart attack did not love their own heart.
Whilst diet and exercise are targeted by most heart professionals as the biggest causes of heart disease The Healthy Heart Academy believes, through our vast experience on the subject, that this is just the tip of the iceberg. Why else would so many people who are physically fit die when they are exercising and others on healthy diets still get heart attacks?
Love your heart more and increase your chances of living a longer, healthier life.
The Healthy Heart Academy is an educational e-course that will teach you:
- How to spot someone who has heart disease years before they have a heart attack
- Simple ways that could slow down, stop or even reverse the symptoms of heart disease
- How to get more motivation
- How a few simple decisions can change your life and health for the better
- How your head, heart and body inter-relate and how understanding this can positively affect every relationship in your life
- How to set your Life Sat-Nav towards what you want
At the healthy heart academy our mission is to educate you on the early warning signs of heart disease that most doctors do not even know to warn you about and teach you simple, practical and powerful methods to slow down, stop or even reverse these symptoms. If you are looking to love your heart more then this can help you to do it.